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World’s Most Evil Invention – SNL

>>> ORDER MY COLLEAGUES AND CALAMITY. I HEREBY CALL TO ORDER THE MEETING OF THE INTERNATIONAL MAD SCIENTISTS SOCIETY. AS YOU KNOW IT IS TIME FOR THE MAD SCIENTISTS SOCIETY ANNUAL MOST EVIL INVENTION IN THE WORLD CONTEST. >> HEAR, HEAR, EVIL! >> YES. ESTEEMED EVIL DOERS. YOU HAVE HAD ALL YEAR TO WORK IN YOUR SECRET LABORATORIES ON AN EVIL INVENTION THAT WILL SHOCK THE ENTIRE WORLD WITH ITS DASTARDLY DESIGN. WHO IS FIRST? >> I AM DR. MICROKNOX. AND THE MOST EVIL INVENTION IN THE WORLD IS MY SHRINK RAY. >> OOH. >> IT CAN REDUCE A MONUMENT TO THE SIZE OF A TOY. I WILL HAVE THE EIFFEL TOWER ON MY KEY CHAIN AND MT. RUSHMORE AS A PAPER WEIGHT. >> VERY EVIL, DOCTOR. I GUESS BAD THINGS COME IN SMALL PACKAGES. WHO IS NEXT? >> I AM BARONESS ANTARCTICA.

MY ENTRY FOR WORLD’S MOST EVIL INVENTION IS THE FREEZE RAY. >> OOOH. >> I SHALL ENCASE ALL THE WORLD’S MOST FAMOUS MONUMENTS IN SOLID ICE. >> HOW CHILLINGLY EVIL. OKAY. WHO IS NEXT? >> HI, GUYS. MY NAME IS ROY. AND FOR THE MOST EVIL INVENTION IN THE WORLD CONTEST I INVENTED A CHILD MOLESTING ROBOT. >> I BEG YOUR PARDON. WHAT? >> I’M SORRY. I’LL SPEAK UP. IT’S A ROBOT THAT’S DESIGNED TO MOLEST CHILDREN. I CALL IT THE ROBOCHOMO, ROBOTIC CHILD MOLESTER. IT IS POWERED BY SOLAR RECHARGEABLE FUEL CELLS, COST PENNIES TO MANUFACTURE AND IT CAN THEORETICALLY MOLEST TWICE AS MANY CHILDREN AS A HUMAN MOLESTER IN HALF THE TIME. SO, UM, DO I WIN THE CONTEST? >> OH, MY GOD. >> WHAT’S WRONG? >> WHAT’S WRONG? MY MOST EVIL IDEA WAS BLIZZARD IN JULY. >> RIGHT. WELL, I WENT IN A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT DIRECTION WITH THE ASSIGNMENT.

>> YOU BUILT A MECHANICAL SEX PREDATOR. >> YES. THAT’S EXACTLY RIGHT. SEE? THIS GUY GETS IT. YOU GET IT. >> OH, MY GOD. NO, I DON’T. >> HOW DO YOU EVEN BUILD A CHILD MOLESTING ROBOT? >> WELL, THAT’S A GREAT QUESTION. WHAT YOU DO IS YOU START BY BUILDING A REGULAR ROBOT. THEN YOU MOLEST IT AND HOPE IT CONTINUES THE CYCLE. >> DEAR LORD ALMIGHTY. >> THAT’S THE MOST HIDEOUS THING I HAVE HEARD IN MY LIFE.

>> THE SHRINK GUY IS WITH ME. >> STOP SAYING THAT. >> I WAND TO REMIND YOU THAT IN WEBSTER’S DICTIONARY IT DEFINES EVIL AS PROFOUNDLY IMMORAL. >> WE KNOW WHAT EVIL MEANS. >> WELL, IT DOESN’T SEEM LIKE YOU DO BECAUSE YOU BUILT A FREEZE RAY. I MEAN, BENITO MUSSOLINI USED TO FORCE FEED PEOPLE CASTOR OIL UNTIL THEY LITERALLY DIED OF DIARRHEA. THAT’S GOT TO BE WHERE THE GOAL POSTS ARE, RIGHT? I MEAN — AM I CRAZY OR? >> I THINK SOMEONE SHOULD CALL THE POLICE. >> OKAY. WELL, I THINK WE ARE ALL GETTING HANGRY RIGHT NOW.

LET’S BREAK FOR LUNCH. I’LL BUY YOU ALL A SANDWICH AT THE RESTAURANT ACROSS THE STREET. >> GET OUT OF HERE NOW. >> LET’S TALK IT OVER AT THE RESTAURANT ACROSS THE STREET WITH THE MEDIEVAL DECOR AND THE LITTLE MINIATURE BEEF SANDWICHES. >> IT’S A WHITE CASTLE. JUST SAY WHITE CASTLE. WHO THE HELL CALLS IT A SANDWICH RESTAURANT? >> OKAY. WELL, YOU GUYS ARE MAD. I’M SORRY. I JUST WANTED TO WIN THE CONTEST. I GUESS I SCREWED UP. >> NO, ROY. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO APOLOGIZE FOR. YES, YOU MADE A ROBOT THAT MOLESTS CHILDREN. YOU ALSO MADE AN IMPORTANT POINT HERE TODAY. THINGS ARE ALWAYS BETTER WITH JUICY BEEF AND ONION SANDWICHES FROM WHITE CASTLE, AMERICA’S MEDIEVAL SANDWICH RESTAURANT. ♪♪♪ >> WHITE CASTLE, WE’LL SERVE ANYBODY. .

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